Paraprosdokians

  Paraprosdokians

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter
part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in
a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or
reinterpret the first part.

Check out the following for examples:
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that
way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his
level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on
the list.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse
always gets the cheese.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where
a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity,
they can train people to stand on the very edge of a pool
and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted
paychecks.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,
"In an emergency, notify:" I always put, "DOCTOR."

I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but always check when you say the paint is
wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think
they are sexy.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You definitely need
a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some
darned good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it
back.

Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they're at home,
even if you wish they were.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be
devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed
touches my foot.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone
down so they can't get away.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others
have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are
after it as when you are in it.

Poor ole arm

 

I had my cast changed yesterday and got to see the damage under the original cast.   Lots of bruising and my wrist is still crooked.   Also unfortunately I saw what looks like my ganglion cyst returned.   I hope that is just swelling and not that.  2 surgeries and you would think it would be gone forever.

Flooding

   I live in a Tri state area and we have the Missouri running through us all.    Due to high snow melt and rain we are flooding in all 3 states.   The worse is yet to come as the dam will be releasing water tomorrow and the next 2 weeks.  Some houses are all ready flooding and Dakota Dunes,  a very wealthy section in South Dakota, is expected to be hit hard.


    I had a doctor appointment out there and it took us over a hour to get there because people are packing up and moving out and sand trucks are moving in.  See what I am saying here?   People are evacuating unlike in New Orleans!  Anyway.   They say it will get very bad. 

  I live on a hill so have no danger of flooding, but we are stocking up on water and supplies to grill in case we lose our clean water supply and electricity.   All my flashlights have batteries and if I had 2 good hands I would be sandbagging with the rest of them.

   My son is wading in the scummy water, yick.

   These bridge in the back in almost completely cover as is our bike trail and all the camping area's in the middle.   And this is just the beginning.  I can feel my taxes going up already.   So keep us in your prayers.   The next few weeks and months will be a challenge.

   And below is a photo taken by Mercy Air care.   One of our bike trail would be at that tree line you see under water.

Memorial day

       Memorial Day, a day to remember our lost loved ones and to gather with our loved ones.   I hope everyone is having a great day.


      It has been a week today that I broke my wrist.   Wish I could say it is better, but it still hurts like the dickens.   I have taken care of children that break their arms and are running around like nothing happened by now.   I must not be a child anymore.   It hurts.   But tomorrow I get it rechecked to see how it is doing and am hoping it shows signs of  healing.


     My job won't let me work until the cast is off.   So I will be off for awhile.  I am hoping they give me the OK to at least use the treadmill as I feel the need to keep exercising.   I feel fluffy.


     We are having the family over to grill and get together.   My youngest son is coming early to help me chop stuff up.   You would think I would be used to doing everything with one arm after all the times this arm has been laid up but even holding things with my fingers hurts so I need help.   Hopefully Rick will get the lawn mowed while we get the food ready.


     We have been having lots of rain around here and there is flooding all over.   One of our favorite bike paths is under water.   Course I won't be able to ride for awhile.   And the doc wants me to get tested to see why I broke so easily.   Hopefully it was just a fluke and not brittle bones.

  The picture shows where my wrist broke.  It is the most common wrist fracture.  My xray looks almost exactly like this.


     The weather is suppose to be nice today but very windy.   We are making kabobs and hopefully will be able to eat outside.   Yesterday I make salted nut rolls with Ricks help.   And yesterday I managed to take a shower all by myself.   That is big for me.  I can dress myself now, LOL.   


    I hope everyone has a great day and please take a moment to say some prayers for all the people around the world who have been affected by the natural disasters lately.   We are indeed blessed to have a home and family with us.

Stand up for the women

   The mud slinging as begun and will continue until after the elections.   But they left has hit new lows.   They have slaughtered Sarah Palin because she is uber smart and won't back down.   She is a strong woman.  One women should be proud of.  One I wish I was as smart as.   They have vilified  Michelle Bachmann,  a smart as a whip woman I may vote for.   And they are calling Laura Ingraham a a slut.  Shame on you Ed Schultz.  I would not have accepted your apology.  Laura shows much more class and style then I would have shown you.  

    What is with people?   Why do the Jewish people vote for the left who is planning another Holocaust?  What is with the union people who vote for the left.   They use them as muscle men as they do their dirty deeds.   My mother was in the union.   To be used this way would have shamed her.  Do they even know what they are being used for or are they just doing what their union reps tells them to do.  If they think they are doing it for them they are just not paying attention.


    We have a new election.  Do you still believe what you have been told?   Do you still believe they are going to pay you mortgages and make your life better?   Do you still believe they aren't moving you toward a communist country?   We are giving our country away.   They life you live is over and your children's future is grim.


   This new government is corrupting our children,  they are selling are secrets,  they have sold our country.   And the window for getting it back is narrowing rapidly.   


   As the insult and lie on the news every single day you have to wonder what side these people are on.   As our government sides with Muslims and betrays Israel do you as Jews still think the future is safe?   Who in this country will hide you now?


    Wake up American and take it back.  While there is a glimmer of hope you can.  Don't watch the news stations who have sold out.  Listen to what is really going on.

  
  

That's the breaks kiddo

             Monday is our date night.   We have been doing it for years.   I look forward to all weekend when I have worked and am busy.   And we had a very busy week at work with lots of emergencies.


       So we had a nice cold  beer and a great meal.    We were visiting with friends, nice and relaxed.   I decided to run downstairs at the restaurant we were at and use the ladies room.   And on the way back I ran up the stairs.    And tripped. I put my left hand out to catch my fall.  Such a klutz.    I heard and felt the bone snap and knew immediately I had broken it my wrist.   I have broken my toe, but this was much much worse.  

   Supporting my wrist with one hand I told Rick,  we have to leave right now.  NOW.  He could tell by the urgency in my voice I meant it and we left.   I was afraid I would burst into tears in the restaurant and make a fool of myself..   What's wrong? Rick asked.  I broke my wrist.  What?  Are you sure you didn't just sprain it?   By this time the wrist was deformed and swollen.  I showed him my wrist and he knew also.  Oh brother.


   The hospital was very busy with so many emergencies we had to wait a long time.   My wrist was killing me but as a nurse I knew it wasn't literally killing me and some people were bad enough to die.  So I gritted my teeth and did my deep breathing and sucked it up.   I must have been slightly shocky because I was chilling and so cold.


     So here I sit with a cast again and off work which I can't afford.   What a bummer.   I hope and pray my wrist heals fast.    Sheesh,  who would have thought tripping and catching your fall up stairs would make your wrist break.  What whimpy bones I have.  And its my bad wrist.  which was feeling so good.


    So whine whine.  Once again I am laid up.

Depression meds and heart disease

     I always thought it was weird that so many of our patients had a history of depression.     Being someone who can't stay depressed for long I was kind of shocked at the amount of people that had the problem.   But a recent study may show the reason so many of our cardiac patients have that listed in their history.    

     A study was done to check the long term effects of antidepressants on people.   To see if a placebo was  as effective as the real thing.    One of the things they found was antidepressants caused thickening of the carotid artery walls.   All the vessels actually.   And fairly quickly.   So maybe that is why it seems we have a higher then what I think is normal amount of patients on my cardiac floor with the history of depression.


       Medication is wonderful when you need it.   But I also found the patients who do the best and seem to live pretty good long lives are those who avoid the doctor and avoid taking any medication.   The side effects of so many meds just seem to cause a new set of problems.  Kidney failure,  liver damage, bleeding, you name it. 

   I  plan on being one of those old ladies who is on no meds except for my calcium pill.  And my vit D in the winter.   Rick and I are both lucky that we don't need any medication, well except I do take my asthma med when riding a lot on my bike.   With all my surgeries I have never had to be on any long term meds.  Since I lost weight I got rid of my blood pressure meds,  yippy.  This study just shows me one more reason to try to stay off medication.   Maybe it's because I meditate I don't need to medicate.


     But if you are one of those patients who is on a antidepressant this study shows you should keep regular checkup's to check your carotids and heart.  Monitoring seems to be a good thing.  Stay well all.