He knows how to make me feel better.

With a perfect white rose.... to celebrate being cancer free. Nestled among a dozen miniature salmon colored roses to lift my depression. Sealed with a kiss and one of those enveloping hugs that just make you feel safe and loved.


Feeling better I decided he needed a great meal. Cooked with love since my skill isn't that great, LOL. So the book I just read, Garlic and Sapphires, had a recipe I wanted to try. So here it is. Quick, easy and tastes like you know what your doing.

Spaghetti Carbonara.
1 pound spaghetti.
1/4 to 1/2 pound thickly sliced good quality bacon ( she prefers Nueske's) Living in Iowa we had 2 choices, thin or thick, LOL No name brand. Course I could have gone to my uncles and called it Dale's.
2 cloves garlic, peeled
2 large eggs
black pepper, (I prefer freshly ground).
1/2 c grated Parmigiano cheese, plus extra for the table.

Bring the water to boil for the spaghetti. Use regular spaghetti. We always eat wheat spaghetti and in this case I think regular white spaghetti would have been better. Not as healthy maybe, but only the rocks live forever...right. The whole wheat overpowered the delicate flavors. Throw spaghetti in the water when it boils and cook as directed.

Cut the bacon crosswise into pieces about 1/2 " wide. Put them into a skillet and cook for 2 minutes. Make sure to sip the nice glass of wine your drinking to put you into the correct mood for cooking. Cook them for 2 minutes, until the fat begins to render. Add the whole garlic, we used 3 cloves because we are garlic freaks, and cook another 5 minutes, until the edges of the bacon just begin to get crisp. Do not overcook; if they get too crisp, they won't meld with the pasta.

Meanwhile , break the eggs into the bowl your going to serve the pasta in, and beat them with a fork. Add some grinding of pepper. I just love that line. Adding the grinding of the pepper here Rick, giggle.

Remove the garlic from the bacon pan. If it looks like too much fat to you, ( it didn't too me), discard some, but you're going to toss the bacon with most of its fat into the pasta. Yes you heard me right.... IT'S FAT!

When the pasta is cooked, drain it and immediately throw it into the beaten eggs. Mix thoroughly. The heat of the spaghetti will cook the eggs and turn them into a sauce. Add the bacon with it's fat, toss again, add cheese and serve. Yummy.

Now I have a way I love to cook brussel sprouts. I steam them. While they are steaming I saute some pecan pieces in butter until lightly browned and them toss them with the sprouts. With this meal we also had a great loaf of bread. I like a hard crust and soft inside and lots of flavor inside. So we bought some at the bread bakery and topped the entire meal off with some nice dark Zinfandel wine.

You know what, the meal was a success, how could it not be. It took maybe 30 minutes to cook, make me look like I knew what the heck I was doing and I feel like my depression is back on the back burner. We had jazz playing softly in the background, my lovely dog was quietly begging from the doorway, the tip of her tail softly tapping and the wine made my pain recede quietly to the back corner of my mind. And you know what..... life is good. Whatever is dished out to me. It can't beat times like this. Oh, and don't toss the garlic, we ate them separately, oh so good.

Now we are going to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. I can handle whatever is coming my way.

Seriously I try to stay upbeat and optimistic. I try to roll with the punches and not be a wimp. Accept what is laid on me and work with it. But..... I am getting as depressed as I get. This is a work comp injury. This may affect my job. Will they let me go back to work? Is my job in jeopardy?

The good thing, I think.... is they can't get me in to see the ortho doc until the 27th. Actually I have to try and change that date. I have to work the night before and don't give up my sleep for nobody. Hopefully I have to work the night before. Hopefully they will let me go back to work on the 12.

The doc told me my high pain tolerance might have been bad in this case. Because I wasn't complaining of severe pain they didn't think it was actually a tear. Maybe they would have been more aggressive if I had told them how much pain I was in.

It hurt quite a bit when it first happened I admit. But I used the ice and heat and if you don't move it in a certain position you can live with it. So I don't move it where it hurts. Anyway.... it just is depressing.

So....today Rick brought me to see a comedy show a friend put on. He had a couple of great comics and I laughed my head off so much my stitches in my face hurt. It was the first time I had been out since my surgery and it felt good. I needed to laugh so much. Its the best thing for what ills you.

I can't believe this month is over. And it's snowing. And cold. Love and peace.

MRI Report

The news on my MRI wasn't good. I have a partial tear in my rotator cuff. That is just not the news I wanted at all. I still am hoping it will heal on its own since it isn't completely torn. Anyone have this that healed on its own?

Insane things.

Obama wants to bring back the draft.....

The government wants charge every business a carbon tax! Every Business will be taxed on a made up thing so Al Gore can line his pockets. Every business should stand up and shout NO.

How is that going to save jobs, must less create jobs when businesses right and left are going belly up. Businesses should be putting their carbon footprints up governments greedy big you know what. Its a cap and trade scheme.

He is going to tax the coal plants which will raise our fuel prices. That 13 dollars extra a week isn't going far is it. It will cost each household at least $660.oo dollars to pay for all the reduced emissions.

He wants to raise the capital gains tax and the death tax. But history shows that when you drop the capital gains tax, the revenues go up.


In Chicago they are having a peaceful demonstration by fed up people, kind of like a new Boston Tea party. I would love to go......while I can still afford the tea.

So far this is so much worse then I was even able to imagine. This party wants you taxed for owning a home. In communistic societies they don't want you to have private property. So paint your house, they are going to increase your taxes. fix your roof, up your taxes. Insulate your walls, raise your taxes. Tax you right out of the house they promised to save for you.

There is hope. People are outraged. Finally. Voices are being raised louder and louder. He so far hasn't enacted the fairness doctrine so we can still hear the voices saying, Not if I can help it. Vote wisely next election. Get some common sense in there. Don't let this organizer take away our way of life. Its still not to late. This must stop.

Rain and ice

Day 2 of being cancer free, yippy. My stitches are itching like heck. Turns out there are some under those steri strips. Oh no. Hope the antibiotics work.

We are having a spring thunderstorm. Sound good? Well, its cold out and it is turning to ice as soon as it hits. The trees are getting covered and there has been one fatal accident already. My oldest son is out driving in it. He works for waste management. Those big ole trucks slide just as easy as those little cars. So I worry about him. Hopefully my youngest made it home. Darn kid, we have asked him repeatedly to just give us a call in bad weather to let us know he made it home. Even though he is an adult you worry about them. He drives 30 miles home each night. So of course no call. And I don't want to call him because hopefully he is home sleeping. But wait until he wakes up.......



The rain is suppose to stop soon and then turn to snow later. Yesterday walking in the yard I was looking at my lilac tree. Buds on it, Yeah. Hope they survive this. The hard shell is still on so they should be OK. I will have to get pictures later. Looks like its going to be one of those scary ice storms where every branch is encased

I got a call from the people who pay my short term disability. They wanted to see if I wanted to come back with restrictions to work. I have never had that happen except when I had a work comp injury. They do not let you stay home and recovery. Remember when I was on the walking wounded desk? Weird. I was so happy this hadn't happened at work so I could stay home until I was recovered. I had even saved up money for it.

I told them I had reservations about coming back too soon. For one thing if my wrist get messed up, this is it. They can't fix it again. I want to make sure it is healed. The biggest thing
though, they always say they will have you on reduced weight lifting restrictions. No this or that. Then you get there and your 2 or 3 nurses short, you run your butt off, everyone is too busy to help you and you feel bad asking. They gave them you instead of a nurse not on restrictions which when your busy doesn't make anyone happy. You can't predict how your patients are going to be. Will I get the confused combative patients who comes at you swinging and grabs me by the wrist and twists as hard as possible? Probably, Murphy's law you know.

So anyway. I told them its not that I don't want to work, but I don't want to take any chances. I prefer to wait until my doctor says it OK to go back. It's my body, you know. Also, the shoulder that is bad is the same one that my wrist was operated on. Did I injure this shoulder favoring this wrist? I'll never know. But I still don't have the report on my MRI. I am hoping and praying it is just bursitis, that will go away with time and I won't risk making it worse going back to work.

I miss working actually. I miss the women I work with. I miss a real paycheck. I miss the exercise. I have been doing a lot of sitting on my butt reading all the books I have set aside for awhile.

I finished the food critic book. I ended up really liking the woman. She has a couple of other books I am going to get. I am still reading American Nomad, another good book.

I love non-fiction and history books. Or books about someone doing something no one has done. Like ride a bike from coast to coast, hike the backroads, or I found the blog of the young man who is working 50 jobs in 50 weeks to see what other jobs are like and find out about life. I always wish I had done something like that. With the weather being so cold I can't get out walking much. Can't do the gym yet... but soon. So I have been eating and reading. Bad combo, LOL.


Well, I am going to go out and put some salt down. Did you hear? Dennies is having a new breakfast special, you get 14 eggs, no sausage and the guy next to you pays for it, its in honor of the woman who just had the 8 kids, LOL.

Seriously on that note. They are thinking of taking the kids away from her. Well, I don't agree with what she did, I think she has some mental issues...but.... she loves the children. They said she is a good mother. She loves all her children. She visits each and everyone everyday. They have bonded. It is better they stay with her then go into the foster care system, a broken system if I have ever seen one. It is a done deed. We are going to end up paying for them anyway, lets at least give them some chance of having emotional well-being instead of attachment disorder. Enough said.

Happy Days

I just feel so good like a nagging little dark stone has been removed from my shoe. Just a great thing to have the spot gone and to be able to get on with my silly happy life. I wish it was nice out as I would love a good bike ride on a warm day with my camera. Would complete my happy dance.

The fact that I had to crawl out of bed and take a pain pill due to throbbing in my temple didn't even phase me. The pain pill helped and this morning I feel pretty good, just a small burning. I can handle that.

I have to figure out how to shower without getting the steri strips wet and still wash my hair. And now I can get my long overdue haircut since I won't have to worry about trying to cover a big old scar. And even if it was big and ugly I wouldn't care just to have that gone. Happy Happy Joy Joy.

Now if I get a good report on my MRI and it isn't a torn rotator cuff life will be good. I paid off my doc on my wrist and so far have been keeping up on my bills. LIFE IS GOOD.

I wrote a thank you note to send to the SDS and surgery suite. They really did such a great job. Made me proud to work there. And not having to have a general I don't have that terrible drugged out feeling. I talked to the anesthesia dept and they said the muscle pain I got last time was from a med they give you to relax your muscles so they can intubate you easier. She said it makes every single muscle contract. I asked her, so if I were to do that med every day for a month would I finally get my abs of steel? Seriously though that was the worse part of my last surgery. If it hadn't been for that it wouldn't have been painful at all. So maybe they should think about something different. I have had patients tell me in the past they felt like they had been hit by a truck, now I know what to tell them.

So anyway, enough praddling on. I have so much to do. My house is a wreak. I need to clean, make an appointment to get my hair cut, get my eyes checked as yesterday I had the weirdest thing. Everytime I closed my eyes I saw lightening bolts. Pretty weird. And I am going to go out to eat tonight. I want to celebrate.

Thanks to everyone for your support and prayers. It meant so much and I think it helped. I know it helped. Thanks again.

All Finished

And Cancer free. Thank goodness. I feel pretty worn out though. I don't know what med they give you, but I am just exhausted and my incision is starting to smart pretty bad.

I have to say this was the best treatment. The anesthesia dept, surgery department, same day, they were all just great. They gave me some la la med and while she was cutting away the cancer, I was having the most pleasant dream. In fact its the first thing I said. What a wonderful dream.

They had me wiggle my eyebrows, they both work, and my mouth, works, so they didn't hit a nerve. I told her the only thing is I can barely hear out of my right ear. They looked and it was full of blood. They cleaned it up as good as they could and when I got home I irrigated it and got out a big blood clot. Now I can hear again, LOL. They should put a ear plug or something in. And I have steri strips, no sutures.

So the cancer is gone, hopefully not to come back. I will get checked every 3 months for 2 years it sounds like and then just yearly. And we found a spot on Ricks back that looks like it should come off.

Well, I am pretty miserable. Hope Rick gets here soon with the pain med. Hope it works. Thanks so all the prayers. I am convinced they worked.

Symbolic dreams

I dreamt that we were driving down a dark straight road at a fast speed. It was icy and the window kept icing up. Rick opened the door and stood on the seat to scrape the ice, driving with arm. There were cars on either side and we were weaving. I tried to yell for him to stop but couldn't do more then whisper. I tried to move my leg to get his attention but was frozen in place. All I could do was whisper, please God, Please God.... over and over. Please let Rick get in the car.... please don't let me die.

And then I woke up. Weird isn't it how real life emotions have a way of finding their way into your dreams. This dream was so easy to interpret. I feel like I am going down a road I have no control over, and for a control freak like me that terrifies me. I want to be at the wheel, not someone else who might not take my life as seriously, might take risks with it. What a dweeb I am, LOL.

So needless to say I didn't have a good nights sleep. My son called and I told him his school friend called and was in town, his mother just died from Malignant Melanoma, a really bad form of skin cancer. How lucky I am to have this type. How sad about his mother, she was young.

Rick has a dentist appointment at 8. We are hoping he will be out soon enough to get me to the hospital at 9. Surgery at10:30, cancer free by 11 home by 12. I have my whole day planned, LOL. Then maybe a nap.

Its a good day to be alive.

MRI's

I have all my jewelry off and am now just waiting to go get my MRI.....again. You know, these things aren't painful, a good thing, but I just hate them. I hate the having to lay still for 45 minutes in a tube. I hate the noise. I hate the slight bit of claustrophobia I have in small enclosed places. Lets see, I am thinking about this wrong.

OK what I love about MRI's. The tech's are all so nice. They give me warm blankets and put pillows under my knees so my back won't hurt. It is nice there is something to diagnose what's wrong without sticking needles in you. EMG's.... now those hurt. So. I guess hate is a strong word. One used too loosely and easily these days. There are things that make you mad, things you disagree with, things you don't care for, but really, you should save hate for the really terrible things. So, I will change the sentence. MRI's. I just really dislike them...

We have a stew in the crockpot so it will be nice when we get home late to have supper ready. And yummy, stew. It is cold out, it will taste good. Then I am going to watch a movie and relax. I am trying not to think to much about tomorrow.

I had thought about getting my picture taken and then decided that was stupid. The scar will be part of my face after tomorrow. What would a picture do. Prove that I didn't always have it? So what if I have a scar. People have worse and I can handle it. And after a few months I won't be able to even find it maybe. But by this time tomorrow I will be cancer free. Now that Is something to look forward to and be grateful for.

I read that the sun damage to my face that caused this cancer could have been from years ago. This wasn't just from one sunburn last summer. This is years of burning my skin and not wearing sunscreen or hats. So for you young ones out there or mothers and fathers with kids. The sooner you start wearing protection and protecting one of Gods greatest gifts, your skin, the better. Because your skin protects you everyday. It is a marvelous thing, waterproof, if unbroken a natural barrier from infections and bacteria, keeps you cool by sweating, warm my shivering. Looks good over your body. Shows when your healthy and one of the first indications when your ill. Take care of it. Pamper it and it will glow with good health.

And that was my skin cancer awareness post for the day. I will update tomorrow and let you know when I am cancer free. Yippy.

Music for the Soul

Pretty cool isn't it.

Good book and a lazy day.

I am reading a good book. It is called Garlic and Sapphires. I love garlic and Sapphires are my birthstone so I love them also, LOL. It is written by Ruth Reichl who was the food critic for the New York Times. Oh the food she describes. I wish I had her palette and check book. In Iowa we have some pretty good restaurants, but none I would invite her to eat at.

It is somewhat snobby and the people who eat at these places are snobby. She talks about how your routinely snobbed at restaurants by everyone from the owners to the wait staff if your not what they consider someone. So she went undercover with numerous different discuises so she could see what the real service and real food served to almost real people,( remember they still spend $100 each for lunch), was like. When she went as the food critic her strawberries were larger, juicier, the meat just perfect and the wine chilled to perfection. When she went as an old lady, she was stuck in the back and refused the wine list.

It is well written and interesting. Personally though, give me a nice restaurant you can relax in. If the service is good and the food is good I tip well and come back. I would hate to be fawned over.

It is a lazy day. Rick is still layed up with his knee, I am having a heck of a time with this stupid shoulder which is acting up. The more I can use my hand I think the more I am using my shoulder. So I am having a lazy day. They called and told me I am scheduled for another MRI on my shoulder tomorrow at 5 pm. Wow. That is late. If I have bursitis they might give me a shot in my shoulder for pain so when I go back to work I am good to go.

Tuesday my surgery is at 10:30. I hope to be done in 30 minutes. That means they will have gotten all the cancer in one attempt. Sew me up and good to go. Anything later means they found more and they have to take out more. I think they will get it out the first time though. Positive thinking. It was weird reading my permit though. Excision squamous cell cancer right temple, possible flap closure, possible skin graft. Sounds scary.

The bills are starting to come in for our bad couple of months. Ricks TIA, my surgery, my skin biopsy and dermatologist visit. And I found out something I would have wished my insurance had cleared up before.

I called and asked why my deductible was so high when I was making sure I was in network. Seems like my insurance has two rates for doctors. Level one doctors are doc that only work for my hospital, level two work for both hospitals. For a level 1 you pay 10%, for a level 2 your deductible is 20%. When you have had the couple of months we have 10 % more is a lot. I had called them and asked if my regular doctor was covered by my insurance and was assured she was. She is listed in our doc find when we see who is covered. But she is a level 2.
All my doctors are level 2. No where on the site does it mention that. Would have been nice to know. So even if they accept your insurance you had better make sure your insurance accepts them.

Now I am looking for another doc. I have been looking for a good reason to find another doctor and 10 % less out of pocket is a really good reason they can't argue about. Especially now a days.

Last night was so windy. I could hear things crashing outside and worried about another tree coming through the roof. I love having the woods surrounding the house at times. Looking out the window and watching the deer and turkey. But in high wind. This morning I looked in the back and a huge tree is down in the back lot. We should have a fireplace.

Well, time to finish my book. I am in the middle of 3 books which I do sometimes, but this one has been on that I can read in a day then I can get back to the one I borrowed from the library. This one a friend gave me. I will then in turn pass it on to someone who would like it. Hope everyone is having a great weekend.