Chance meeting.

We went out for a bowl of soup for supper. Still no call from the doctor. We know the owners well so talking about the cancer. The people at the next table started to talk to me. He has had several basal cell cancers removed, Oh goody, they keep returning.... but the thing that made me feel better is many had been from his face and it didn't look bad. They had to remove a chunk from his ear and half of his lower lip and I couldn't tell until he pointed it out. He was about 20 years older then me and it was a different type but it made me feel better. Maybe I won't scare children when this is over.

This is suppose to be a old persons cancer. I always joke I am in my twilight years because of my families short life span so maybe this is old age for me. Fun thought. One thing we learned and I will pass along. It is common to get these on the side of your face that faces the window in the car. I am usually the passenger so this is on my right side, he was the driver so his was mostly on his left. From the sun shining in the window. So don't think your safe just because you don't lay out in the sun. Food for thought.

Tomorrow I am going to get my Granddaughter a birthday card. I told my husband I am buying the boys, or men I guess I should call them gifts. Sunscreen. Never too soon to get them in the habit. I told my youngest son the latest from the doctor but I haven't seen my oldest. He has so much on his mind with missing his kids and everything I hate to add to his troubles. But, a daughter would have remembered I had this appointment coming up and called also. Boys just aren't the same, whoops, Men. My youngest remembered though and called.

Well, I guess I will play some pogo and go to bed and read for awhile. I haven't been sleeping much. Better get back on schedule before I go back to work.

Calming down.

OK, I am going to just STOP as Mary reminded me, grin, driving myself crazy about this. It just can't be good for me and there is not a darn thing I can do about it but go on the ride. I toss my worries to the wind, turn on the above windmill and let them scatter. What will be will be. Not that I am not going to be pro-active about getting the care I need, I have been on the phone most of the morning, but I am not going to let it drive me crazy. After all, I have the government to do that, oh yeah.

Just heard that Californian's who should be getting state taxes back are getting IOU's. Will the mortgage companies accept those? Also heard at least 75% of the proposed stimulus package is pure pork, I think it is more like 95% but that is just splitting hairs. The entire thing is a joke and finally.....FINALLY the media is waking up and alerting people to some of the pork on there.

The unions stand to win big BIG time with the stimulus package. And believe me they paid big to get added to the package. Illegal immigrants also will get a big piece of the pie. But I also heard. Did you know over 300 US citizens are missing in Mexico and HARDLY ANYONE, especially mainstream media is reporting it, and one young girl who lived 18 miles from the boarder was Kidnapped and GIVEN to a drug cartel AND NO ONE WILL HELP THE FAMILY GET HER BACK BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID OF THE DRUG LORDS. The same drug lords who sell most of their drugs here. HERE. We allow this to happen. Anyone who thinks it just a little pot, nothing bad, it should be legal. This is where we get it. From a place that people will shoot you just to try out their new gun. Where you can't even trust the law. So no, it is not just some harmless drug and if you smoke it, or do coke, your an accessory to murder in my mind.

Rick asked me why they couldn't find anyone decent to assign to the posts in Washington. Well, any decent person wouldn't be a politician for one thing. To much self pride.

Another thing I heard today by Nancy Pelosi that every month we don't have this stimulus package 500 million american citizens will lose their job! Gee, we have 350 million in the US now. Not counting the illegal aliens. So by next month all of us plus a few million will be out of a job. Please let hers be one of them. Does she even know how to do the math! I am not a math whiz but that would be trillions by 2011. But if they pass it........... Well what then? Is my job safe? Do you the biggest growing job market right now? Government jobs. What does that tell you? AARRGGGHHHH.

So you see. This is the same thing they did with global warming. If we don't do something right now, spend a trillion, they love that number, right now, 500 thousand square feet of polar ice will melt, 8 trillion polar bears will float away, 100 trillion living green trees will die. Oh the horror, the horror. But in the 9 years since I stopped planting my garden in the back lots it is now chock full of big old trees, much bigger then me, but no, not a trillion but just not doing a darn thing. OH DON'T GET ME STARTED.

So, yup, lots of other things to get me upset. And spare any more time then that to being nuts about something. Time to calm down on the other. Speaking of which. My incision on my wrist is getting infected. Starting to drain. Now have I ever had a incision heal without problems? Nope. So I have triple antibiotic cream on it. I think it is from the sutures. My body doesn't like them. I don't either. Can't wait til monday when I get them out. Also did my PT today. That is going well. 1 step back but 2 steps forward.

Oh by the way. Go to this link at Glenn Beck. Answer the 9 questions. You don't have to do as he asked but do ask yourself. And ask other people. And if you feel passionate about it do as he requests.

And go visit Tom. He has just the best article about gun control

Reacting to bad news

I don't know what I expected I would be like if I ever got news like this, if I ever actually gave it much serious thought, but I imagine I thought I would handle it with my usual dry sense of humor, inappropriate as it might be.

Instead I found myself chilling. I got colder and colder and my teeth almost started to chatter together. I tried to feel a sense of detachment so I wouldn't cry in front of this complete stranger thus embarrassing him and me. I hate making a scene.

In fact, besides the first few tears, just a few, I haven't cried. It's like if I cry I admit this is real and something to be worried about. Even now knowing it is something to be worried about I still prefer to think it is blown out of proportion. And how can I cry when I still don't know for sure what I am dealing with?

I hadn't told Rick about the facial discomfort I have been having. First of all I was trying not to think about it and busy coming up with reasons why it wasn't anything to be concerned about. It reminds me of when I had shingles on my face. A crawling under the skin and pressure sensation. So he didn't hear about it until I told the Doc.

Because Rick is the pessimistic opposite of my optimistic self. Yes, in spite of our economic disaster of a country right now I am still an optimist, and I didn't want to hear all the terrible things that could be going on. I liked the simpler less dangerous alternatives. That kind of ticked him off I hadn't mentioned it. I didn't want to worry him.

So how will I react? The way I always do. Keeping it to myself and pouring it into my journal which no one I actually know reads. So I can hide my fears from them and voice them here silently instead. Because I have to get them out in the open so I can deal with them. Even if in the open is only in here. And because of the wonderful support of what I consider dear friends around the world this journal has given me. So I don't worry my son's, my husband or friends here.

I won't be able to go to the doctor in Omaha. I checked my new insurance and to go to a doctor out of network I have to pay 15,000.00 out of pocket before they would pay anything. so that's out. I have to just hope the other doctor can get me in soon or ask the dermatologist to just remove it as best he can. I think he would do a good job. Shame you have to think of money at these times but you do. Well.... I do being the bread winner in the family, LOL.

news

I saw the doc today, and I really liked him. Didn't really care for the news though.

The nurse got everything ready for him to come take out the rest of the cancer. She was very reassuring. Like I would have been, LOL.

Then he came in and we discussed the report. The top part of the growth was "well differentiated squamous cell carcinoma, keratoacanthoma variant. Deeper in was just the squamous cell. The bad thing is the margin that isn't clean is the bottom part. Which means it is deeper. Into the fat. Now thats bad because of where it is on my temple or upper cheek. The facial nerves are close and there are 5 located there. And this type of cancer can spread to them. If it had been almost any place else on my body it would have been better. And since I am having some nerve issues in my cheek which I was assuming was just nerves and from the first surgery it may have spread already. He said we can't ignore any symptoms.

With all this in mind then he didn't want to take it out in his office and maybe miss getting it all. I can either go to Omaha to a specialist or see the plastic surgeon in town to have it done under a special procedure where they take a little out, check it for cancer cells, take a little more, check it again and repeat until all the tissue come back clean. I don't even want to think about how that would look afterward, yikes. But apparently this is less disfiguring they what they used to do, Oh goody.

I told him to check with the plastic surgeon in town as she might be in my network so less out of pocket and also I know her, she did my breast reduction. But if I can't get in to see her its off to Omaha. Who ever can get to me first because the waiting is stressful and the stupid thing is still in there growing.

So here we sit. Feeling numb and still feeling like it is all a bad dream. I want to wake up. I just don't have a good feeling about this.

Todays the day

I see the dermatologist today. I can't help it. I am nervous. 90% of me knows I will be fine but its that nagging 10% of me that got me out of bed before 6 am. I am anxious to find out what he says so I can move forward, but afraid also of what he might say. Isn't that weird. But I mostly just want to know for sure. My worries are always worse then the reality.

I took my dressing off yesterday. It was driving me absolutely nuts. My palm and thumb from the cast was numb and I had gotten it damp so it irritated me. so it had gotten loose enough I just slipped my hand out.

What a ugly swollen mess it is, LOL. The incision on my wrist looks more painful then it is but guess what? I am typing with both hands. For the first time in over a month. Maybe my typing will improve and it is certainly faster then it was. My palm is still numb but hopefully that will get better when the swelling goes downs. I took some pictures but decided they were too graphic to post. This from the woman who posted her gallbladder pictures, LOL.

The dressing wasn't suppose to come off until tomorrow at my PT appointment but the instructions said it could come off in 5 days so 5 days was yesterday. I will call my therapist and let her know. And I will take a full shower today which will be heavenly. That alone will make me feel great.

Well, enough of this, I will write later after I see the doc at one and update any news. Hopefully great news. I don't know if he will cut out the rest of the cancer today plus a couple of other spots that are concerning or another day. So maybe I will have that terrible nerve pain back and won't feel up to typing. We shall see. If the scar will be large I have to get hold of my insurance and see if they cover a plastic surgeon. They may say it is cosmetic and refuse to pay. We shall see.

Can Cold water Clean Dishes?

Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?
This is for all the germ conscious folks who worry about using cold water to clean.
John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan .


After spending a great evening chatting the night away, The next morning John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.

However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking,
'Are these plates clean?'
His grandfather replied,
'They're as clean as cold water can get 'em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'
For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,
'Are you sure these plates are clean?'
Without looking up the old man said,
'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'



Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.
John yelled and said,
'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted.
'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!'

Meet Coldwater...............


Have a fabulous STRESS FREE day!

Sick

Feeling pretty crummy today. Fever, sore throat and chest pain when I breath. I am losing my voice. Weird. Bad time to pick up a crud. so bedtime which sounds like the best thing today.